It’s been a little over a year since the carnage of my neighborhood where three people were murdered by someone who many of us had called friend for over twenty years…Who in his madness, destroyed the existence and daily lives of so many of my neighbors, who devastated their memories and hopes.  

Everyone keeps asking how we are all doing and while I cannot speak for my neighbors, I can give you some personal observations and thoughts… 

After the fire, five homes were completely incinerated and nothing could be saved from them. Those neighbors lost everything, including two beloved pets that day.  Two other houses were over fifty percent destroyed from the flames and another five had a lot of smoke and water infiltration.  Also twelve houses were significantly damaged when the Honolulu Police Department’s SWAT team went from house to house breaking down doors and windows looking for the shooter, Jarda Hanel to make sure he had not escaped among the chaos of that morning…

In the first week after the obliteration all the neighbors got together and had a Blessing of the area.  Within thirty days, the burned down houses were cleared and a fence put up to stop the looky-loos from walking on the properties…Another four neighbors moved away to get a break from the pain… For almost the entire year of 2020 everything sat…Almost like the neighborhood was trying to purge itself of all the evil that had taken place that day… 

During this time the two houses that had over the 50% destruction were sold and Lois Cain’s property was quietly placed on the market…It was very quiet and a bit eerie when the Pupperteers and I walked the neighborhood…

Then around the Holidays, repairs were finally completed on several houses and three of the four neighbors came back from their self-imposed exile and for me it was joyful to see them again…

Now in 2021 there seems to be a new beginning much like a Phoenix rising from it’s own ashes…Three properties are being rebuilt, Lois Cain’s property is in escrow, the two 50% damaged houses are now being renovated with the new owner.  Two other houses are in the design stage for construction…

On January 19th, the one year anniversary of the shootings and fire, many of the neighbors came to Lois’ property and laid flowers all around…Gisela King, Lois’ other tenant, who was almost the fourth victim of Jarda after having been repeatedly stabbed by him, organized a memorial service, which included a pastor giving another Blessing for the area…Gisela spoke about forgiveness, hope, and love and there seemed to be a feeling of cleansing with everyone…

As for my dogs and me, we escaped unhurt that day, but we are not unscathed…The doggos cry uncontrollably when they hear sirens and Mama Dog Bonnie doesn’t like walking on Hibiscus anymore always trying to pull me towards home…AND not a day goes by that I don’t think of those officers, Lois, and even Jarda…

I believed I might die that day because I knew Jarda was totally desperate and he would never allow himself to go to prison…I really thought after he lit the fire that he was going to come out shooting and take out as many people as he could while dying in the process…”Death by Cop”…

They say when you have PTSD you remember everything in detail from the moment the trauma happened…From time sequences to smells to sounds…And I remember it all everyday…Especially the officers screaming at me and each other to “Get down, GET DOWN, take cover, officer shot”… Hearing Jen and Eric Tema’s children crying for their parents and me yelling at them to get back in the house and I will come for them…My dogs whimpering as I held them as they were shaking and staring into my eyes…Constantly talking to the SWAT officer and letting him know what house belonged to which neighbor and what they looked like, recounting Jarda’s appearance and where he was probably located…And the unbelievable intensity of the fire…The magnitude of the heat was incredible to feel, something I will never forget and cannot explain, except to say for a few moments I thought I was burning from the outside and boiling from my insides…

I tell folks I am fine, but the truth is that I have a bit of survivor’s guilt and think about what more could I have done because I was a friend of Jarda’s for 20 years and saw him go into the abyss of his madness after he lost his beloved dog, Butch.   

I also think about my neighbors everyday and still cannot imagine how I would be if I had lost everything I owned, every photo, document, or memento of my life, my precious fur children, or lives of loved ones like the officers’ family did…to me, that pain is unfathomable…

I have remained close with Gisela King, Janice Morrow, one of Lois’ closest friends, and Jen Tema, whose children were the ones I remained with for that one hour and 43 minute ordeal…

I was recently asked what has changed within me since that day and my answer is always the same…I hug my friends and the Pupperteers a lot more, even in these Covid days…I tell them I love them all the time.  I appreciate the simple things, especially the feeling “of just being”…I have not had a bad day since that day because everyday is joyful knowing I got a second chance to be here…

A friend of mine said to me that the power of forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give or receive in life.  But for me, even after a year I am still working on mercy in regards to Jarda…He ambushed and coldly murdered the two Honolulu police officers, Tiffany Enriquez and Kaulike Kalama who were innocents, he bludgeoned to death my friend of over 50 years, Lois Cain…He destroyed my neighborhood and devastated so many…

Yes, my neighborhood is slowly coming back, it is being renewed as I write this and I am praying that as the area is resurrected, so will my heart be renewed and compassion and understanding comes to me…